When you choose to become a surrogate, you don’t have to go through it alone. In addition to your intended parents, surrogacy professional and spouse, there is another group of people who can be on your team — your friends.
You probably already share your most important life journeys and feelings with your close group of friends, so why should surrogacy be any different? The good news is that, with the right preparation and planning, your friends can be an integral part of your support system in the nine months ahead.
Surrogacy can be a daunting topic of conversation, even among the people that you love the most. Don’t worry — we’ve answered some of your biggest questions here to help you prepare.
Keep reading to tackle these upcoming conversations with your friends with knowledge and grace.
How Do I Tell My Friends About My Plans to Be a Surrogate?
Becoming a surrogate is big news. So, how do you share this announcement with your group of friends?
The choice will always be up to you. You’ll want to think about who you want to tell, the nature of your friendships and your personal schedule to decide what is right for you. You might even talk to your surrogacy professional or other former surrogates for their suggestions.
Typically, there are a few ways that surrogates share their news with their friends:
1. Social Media
One of the fastest and easiest ways to get the word out is through your Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account. Most likely, all of the friends you care about follow you on these platforms, and you can use these platforms to reach as many people in your friend network as possible at one time. This third-party announcement can also eliminate the awkwardness of comments and questions when your pregnancy starts to show and some people don’t know about your surrogacy yet.
Remember to always keep in mind your intended parents’ (and your own) privacy when posting information about your surrogacy journey online.
2. At a Get-Together
Have a few close friends you want to share your news with? Why not host a small get-together? That way, you can share your announcement in person and answer all of the questions you may get at one time. You can also reduce the chance that someone will respond negatively with so many positive responses surrounding them.
This can be a great option for those who are uncomfortable sharing their surrogacy news on the internet.
3. In One-on-One Conversations
Some women are more comfortable telling friends about their surrogacy in personal conversations, and that’s fine, too. This way, there’s no pressure to respond a certain way, and you can directly address all of the questions and concerns your friends may have. However, you should prepare yourself for the different responses you may get by having planned comebacks to both negative and positive comments.
How Will My Friends Respond to My News?
In an ideal world, all of your friends will 100 percent support you in your journey to be a surrogate. After all, they are your friends; they are there for you in thick and thin and should encourage your dreams.
Unfortunately, not all friends will be automatically excited about your news. There are still a great deal of misconceptions and myths out there about surrogacy, and your friends may have outdated views about the process. That’s why it’s so important to educate them about the process as you announce your news.
Any qualms they have about the surrogacy process are likely due to their concern for your safety. Once they understand what surrogacy is really like, they should be the supportive friend you’re looking for.
And if they’re not? There’s no need to include them in your surrogacy support system.
How Do Include My Friends in My Surrogacy Journey?
So, what should you do once your friends are on board with your surrogacy journey? Find ways to include them, of course!
Every person in your surrogacy support system can play a key role in helping you physically, practically and emotionally get through your surrogacy process. You might ask them for help with:
- Childcare while attending surrogacy appointments
- Cooking and cleaning when you are tired from pregnancy
- Running errands when you are on bedrest or otherwise occupied
- Providing emotional support for any challenges that may occur
- Relaxing activities like spa days, lunch dates and more
Don’t be afraid to ask for help — they’re your friends, and that’s what they’re here for! While they may be unfamiliar with the surrogacy process, they should be 100 percent ready to assist you in whatever you need.
We know creating a support system for your surrogacy journey can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re not sure where to start, ask yourself this question: Who do I know will support my surrogacy dreams and be there for me every step of the way?
Need more assistance creating your surrogacy support system? If you haven’t already, contact a surrogacy professional. They can help you plan for these conversations and answer any other questions you may have along the way.