Questions to Ask Intended Parents [A Guide]

Once you match with hopeful intended parents, you’ll get to meet the family via a mediated phone call or in-person to ensure everyone is the right fit for the surrogacy journey ahead.

An excellent way to ensure the intended parents are a good fit for your surrogacy journey is by preparing questions to ask intended parents. You can create your surrogate questions for intended parents with the help of a surrogacy professional or independently.

If you think you’re ready to start working with a surrogacy professional, you can contact us today to get the process started. But, if you want to find out more about the surrogate questions for intended parents you could ask, read on.

Setting Up Your First Conversation

If you have found a potential match for your surrogacy journey, congratulations! Most likely, you have looked at several profiles of intended parents to find the ones you’re interested in.

Although choosing an online intended family profile is a great start to selecting the parents you’ll work with, a phone call or in-person meeting can allow you to go through your prepared list of questions to ask intended parents and get answers. This will also be a time for the intended parents to get to know you. So, take time ahead of the call to think about what you’d like to say.

If you find intended parents independently, you will likely have already contacted them through social media or a surrogacy listing. You will still need to set up a time for a detailed conversation before solidifying your match to ensure you agree on small details you may not have addressed in your initial contact.

Starting the Conversation

Once you have an initial talk with the intended parents, you will likely want to ease into the conversation rather than first ask sensitive, surrogacy-related questions. Think of the beginning of this conversation as a first date; you and the intended parents want to make sure your personalities mesh and that you have similar values.

What Questions Should I ask the Intended Parents to Ease Into This Conversation?

The first set of questions to ask intended parents could include:

• What are your interests and hobbies?
• Why do you want to become a parent?
• What is your family like?
• What is important to you?
• Why did you become interested in pursuing surrogacy?
• What excites you about this family-building process?

Other surrogate questions for intended parents include any brought up when you viewed their profile – like any additional information you wish to know about their professional or educational background – their relationship, or where they live.

Discussing Your Surrogacy Goals and Preferences

After you and the intended parents have gotten the chance to know each other, you can move forward to asking questions about their surrogacy goals and preferences.

Remember, if you work with a surrogacy professional like a surrogacy agency, a surrogacy specialist can help guide you and the intended parents through some of the more complex and sensitive topics of the surrogacy process.

Just as you will ask the intended parents questions about surrogacy, the intended parents will also ask you questions about your personal goals and preferences — so be prepared for a back-and-forth discussion.

What are the Surrogacy Questions I Should ask to Intended Parents to Make Sure They’re the Right fit for Me?

Here are some critical questions to ask intended parents to help you determine your compatibility with an intended family:

• When are you hoping to begin the surrogacy process?
• How many embryo transfers will you attempt? How many embryos do you want to transfer at a time?
• Are you using your own sperm, egg, and embryo, or will you use a donor’s?
• What are your thoughts on selective reduction and termination?
• Do you have certain legal and medical professionals in mind for this process?
• What kind of relationship are you hoping to have with me before, during, and after the baby’s birth?
• What will you ask of me during this pregnancy?
• How do you plan to be involved during our surrogacy journey?
• Are you willing to get to know my partner and family during the surrogacy process?
• Is your family supportive of your surrogacy plans? How will they be involved in the process?
• What do you plan to tell your child about their surrogacy history, and what do you plan to tell them about me?

Ensuring it’s the Right Match

While a great deal of your initial conversation will be to learn more about the intended parents and their goals and preferences, getting to know the intended parents is also important in making sure that you feel comfortable and safe with them.

The intended parents will already be pre-screened if you work through a surrogacy agency. However, if you found the intended parents independently, you will need to pay attention to certain aspects of this conversation to notice everything they mention that might put you in danger, like:

• Questioning the need for a surrogacy attorney and surrogacy contract
• Focusing on the financial aspect — for example, asking to forgo certain services to save money
• Unwillingness to talk about their surrogacy with friends or family members
• Lack of support from their partner or family
• Rushing through the conversation and not seeming interested in getting to know you as a person

While some of these can be harmless situations, they can also indicate larger issues that mean the intended parents will not be the right match for you.

This can be another situation where the mediation of a surrogacy professional can be helpful. Professional help can prevent any discomfort or awkwardness you would feel if you questioned the intended parents’ motives.

Why Preparing Questions to Ask Intended Parents is Helpful

Remember that finding the perfect intended parents is a personal journey; only you can determine when a match is “right.” Don’t be afraid to take all the time you need to find the right match for you.

You can contact a specialist today if you’d like to work with a surrogacy professional to help you through the surrogacy process.