While there are many heterosexual intended parents who pursue surrogacy after years of failed infertility treatments, there are also homosexual parents who take this path as well — whether or not they went the route of infertility treatments before choosing this family-building process.
In fact, surrogacy is growing in popularity among same-sex couples who may have originally been restricted to the adoption process to grow their families. And, if you’re thinking about surrogacy yourself, know that you can be a surrogate for a gay couple, if you desire.
There are many professionals out there who welcome LGBT intended parents and will be happy to help you help them reach their parenthood goals. After all, it’s not sexual orientation, gender or even race that makes for a great parent. It’s the desire to provide a safe and loving home for a child, which multiple studies have shown same-sex couples are no less capable of than opposite-sex couples.
If you are interested in being a surrogate mother for a gay couple, find the information you need to get started in in this article.
Choosing to Be a Surrogate for a Gay Couple
Whether you know from the beginning of your journey that you wish to be a surrogate mother for gay couples or you’re not sure what kind of intended parents you wish to carry for, this option will always be available to you. As a prospective surrogate, you will choose the characteristics you desire in intended parents, which includes their sexual orientation and marital status. You will give a great deal of time and energy into working with and helping these parents, so it’s important that you are comfortable with the intended parents before you move forward with this intimate partnership.
You should consider all the prospective pros and cons of being a surrogate mother for a gay couple before choosing this path. Remember, surrogacy is still a new and often misunderstood process — and, when you become a surrogate for a gay couple, you may encounter ignorance or prejudice from others. However, your personal knowledge that LGBT individuals can be wonderful parents (as well as the other benefits of this kind of surrogacy, listed below) will remind you that you are doing a beautiful and selfless thing for another person.
If you end up deciding you want to be a surrogate for a LGBT family, there are many same-sex couples looking for a surrogate like you. Your path to finding them and working with them will be very similar to the path a surrogate takes with heterosexual intended parents.
How to Be a Surrogate Mother for a Gay Couple
In many ways, being a surrogate mother for a gay couple is no different than being a surrogate for a heterosexual couple. Each surrogacy is different, so your journey will be tailored more to all parties’ surrogacy goals and preferences rather than the intended parents’ sexual orientation.
In general, here’s what your process may look like:
Step 1: Find LGBT-friendly surrogacy professionals.
The first step to becoming a surrogate mother for gay couples is by working with surrogacy professionals who welcome and respect LGBT intended parents. Although surrogacy is a common way for LGBT individuals and couples to create their family, there are unfortunately still professionals who will discriminate against these individuals or fail to provide them the additional support and services they may need. To ensure your surrogacy process is as positive as possible for both you and the intended parents, you should specifically seek out LGBT-friendly surrogacy agencies and professionals, especially if you plan on finding intended parents with their assistance.
How do you determine if a surrogacy professional is LGBT-friendly? Consider asking them a few of these questions:
- How many LGBT couples have you worked with, and how many have completed successful surrogacies with you?
- How long do LGBT couples wait to be matched in your agency, and how many do you have waiting for matches right now?
- What kind of inclusive services, policies, counseling and support do you offer LGBT intended parents and the surrogates who carry for them?
Step 2: Decide what kind of parents you’d like to carry for.
Once you have identified proper surrogacy professionals, you can start searching for LGBT intended parents — either with the assistance of an agency or on your own. You may specifically wish to be a surrogate for a gay couple, or you may be open to intended parents of all sexual orientation. To help find the perfect intended parents who meet your expectations, you should also consider factors like:
- Their marital or relationship status
- Where they live
- Their family makeup
- The connection they wish to share with their surrogate
- Their desire for a traditional or gestational surrogate
Once you determine these characteristics, you can find intended parents who fit them. After confirming that your match is perfect for both parties, you can start the practical process of being a gay couple’s surrogate mother.
Step 3: Complete the surrogacy process.
Many of the steps of the surrogacy process will be the same whether you work with LGBT or heterosexual intended parents. After getting to know the intended parents and finalizing your match with a surrogacy contract, you will begin the medical process of surrogacy. The medical process may be slightly different with LGBT intended parents, especially if you will be a traditional surrogate (a very uncommon surrogacy path). A sperm or egg donation will be required to complete an embryo and, if you are a traditional surrogate, you will use your own egg. Gestational surrogates may need to take additional medication to sync up their cycle with an egg donor, if one is being used.
Once the embryo transfer is complete and your pregnancy is confirmed, the next nine months will likely proceed as they would with any other pregnancy. You’ll stay in contact with the intended parents until you deliver the baby (a process they’ll get to be a part of). Depending on your state laws, your lawyer may have you complete additional legal processes to terminate any parental rights you have and establish the parental rights of the intended parents.
The Benefits of Being a Surrogate for a Gay Couple
You may wonder: Why should I choose to be a surrogate for a gay couple rather than a heterosexual couple?
For most surrogates, choosing to carry for LGBT intended parents is an intrinsic, personal desire they have — and often have thought about for years. If you are uncomfortable with carrying a child for same-sex intended parents, it is probably not the right path for you. But, if you’re just unsure and want to learn more about being a gay couple’s surrogate, there are a few common reasons that women are motivated to choose this path.
The majority of intended parents choose to pursue surrogacy because it is their last chance to have a biologically related child. However, in the case of single male and male same-sex couples, surrogacy is the only way they can have a child that is biologically related to them at this point in their life. Many surrogates are humbled and honored to help these LGBT intended parents have the child they’ve been dreaming of so long and taken such a challenging path toward.
In addition, many surrogates for gay couples choose this path because they understand the challenges that LGBT intended parents have faced before reaching this point in their lives. LGBT individuals may have faced ignorance and prejudice as they came out and may have had to previously grieve their ability to have a biological family or get married (before federal laws protected their right to). The women who become surrogates for LGBT intended parents are often moved by these struggles and want to make the parents’ family-building journey as easy and positive as possible.
Of course, in addition to these specific benefits, becoming a surrogate for a gay couple involves all the other benefits of surrogacy: financial compensation, a life-long friendship, a feeling of satisfaction and pride and more. If you are even slightly interested in being a surrogate for gay couples, speak with a surrogacy professional about your surrogacy preferences and goals. There are many LGBT intended parents out there waiting for a woman like you.