You’ve decided to become a gestational surrogate and help a family welcome their baby. But now comes the daunting part: talking to your family about surrogacy.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering how your loved ones will react. Will they understand? Will they support you? These are completely normal concerns, and you’re not alone in feeling nervous.
Here’s what we want you to know: With the right approach, timing and information, you can help your family understand your decision and hopefully gain their support. In this article, we’ll walk you through practical strategies for having these conversations and share what to do if you face opposition.
If you’re still not sure what to say, it can help to connect with a surrogacy professional.
7 Tips for Talking to Your Family About Surrogacy
Are you ready to share your decision? Here’s how to tell your family about surrogacy in New Mexico:
- Choose the right time and place. Pick a moment when you won’t be interrupted and everyone can focus on the conversation. Avoid stressful periods like holidays or family emergencies.
- Start with your “why.” Share what motivated you to consider surrogacy. Whether it’s helping others, personal fulfillment or financial goals, your genuine reasons will help them understand your decision.
- Come prepared with facts. Research the surrogacy process and compensation you could get in New Mexico. Having concrete information can help with explaining surrogacy to family.
- Address safety concerns upfront. Many family members worry about health risks. Explain the medical screening process, ongoing care and that you’ll be working with experienced professionals throughout your journey.
- Emphasize the legal protections. Explain that you’ll have your own attorney, and share how contracts outline everyone’s rights and responsibilities.
- Be patient with their reactions. Some family members might need time to process this news. Their initial reaction might not be their final opinion.
- Invite questions. Let them know you’re open to ongoing conversations as they think of new questions or concerns.
Having these family conversations is just one part of your surrogacy journey, but it’s an important foundation for the months ahead.
How to Talk to Your Partner (Getting on the Same Page)
Talking to your spouse about surrogacy is different from other family discussions because your partner needs to be genuinely on board for this to work.
Start with why this matters to you personally. Share what drew you to surrogacy and what you hope to gain from the experience. You may need to give them time to process after explaining your surrogate decision. They may be concerned about how much time this will take, or they may wonder about the emotional side of things.
When you’re ready, you can get into the real-life details. Walk through what your weeks will look like with medical appointments, how to handle childcare during those times and what the compensation might mean for your family’s goals. Working through the logistics together can help you both feel more confident about moving forward.
How to Explain Surrogacy to Your Kids
Children often have the most straightforward questions about surrogacy, and their reactions can be surprisingly positive when you explain things in age-appropriate ways.
- For younger children (ages 4 through 8), focus on the basics. “I’m going to help another family by carrying their baby for them, just like I carried you.” Use simple language and compare it to other ways people help each other.
- Older children (ages 9 through 12) can understand more details about the process. Explain that the baby isn’t biologically yours, and that you’re providing a safe place for the baby to grow. They might ask why you’re doing this. It’s okay to talk about your reasons for becoming a surrogate.
- Teenagers often have more complex questions about the emotional aspects. Be honest about your feelings while reassuring them that you understand this is different from having your own children. They might worry about how their friends will react, so discuss how they want to share this information with others.
As you’re talking with your family about surrogacy, emphasize that this decision doesn’t change your love for your own children or your role as their parent. Many surrogate families find that the experience teaches children about compassion and the different ways families are created.
How to Handle Extended Family Reactions
Extended family members — parents, siblings, in-laws — often have the strongest reactions to surrogacy news. Understanding family reactions to surrogacy can help you prepare for various responses. For instance, your parents and in-laws might worry about your health or wonder how this affects their grandchildren. Siblings might have questions about your motivations or concerns about family dynamics.
The key is identifying your family allies early. These are the people who will support your decision and help advocate for you with other family members. Often, these allies can have conversations with skeptical relatives that you might not be able to have yourself.
Keep in mind that you may need to set boundaries. While you want your family’s support, you don’t need everyone’s permission to make this decision. You can say something like, “I understand you have surrogacy family concerns, and I’m happy to share information, but this is a decision we have made.”
6 Common Surrogacy Questions and How to Answer Them
Your family will likely have questions about the experience. Here’s how you can address common concerns:
- “Won’t it be hard to give up the baby?” Explain that gestational surrogates don’t have a biological connection to the baby. You’re helping create someone else’s family, not giving up your own child.
- “Is it safe?” Share information about medical screening and ongoing monitoring. You may also want to mention you’ll have a contract in place and insurance coverage paid for by the intended parents.
- “Why would you do this?” Be honest about your motivations, whether it’s helping others, personal fulfillment or financial goals.
- “How much do you get paid?” As long as you feel comfortable, it’s okay to discuss compensation openly. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You can explain that families compensate surrogates for their time, effort and the physical aspects of pregnancy.
- “How long does it take?” Explain the timeline from application to birth, which is typically 14 to 20 months.
What if My Family Doesn’t Support Surrogacy in New Mexico?
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, family members remain opposed to your surrogacy decision.
Dealing with family objections to surrogacy in New Mexico can be emotionally challenging, but it doesn’t have to derail your plans. Here’s what you can do:
- Step 1: Set clear boundaries about what you will and won’t discuss. You might say, “I’ve shared the information I can, and I’m comfortable with my decision. I’d prefer we focus on other topics when we’re together.”
- Step 2: Give resistant family members time. Sometimes people need time to process this information. They may come around once they see how positive the experience is for you.
- Step 3: Focus on the people who offer surrogate family support in New Mexico. Their encouragement can help balance out any negativity.
Remember that you’re not responsible for managing everyone else’s reactions to your decision. You can be respectful and understanding while still moving forward with your plans.
Looking for Resources to Share With Family?
Do you need help getting family support for surrogacy in New Mexico? Having educational resources can make a huge difference.
We partner with American Surrogacy to provide comprehensive support to surrogates. Their team understands the importance of family support and can provide additional resources to help your loved ones understand surrogacy, such as testimonials and medical information.
To get in touch with a surrogacy professional, fill out our online form. When your family understands and supports your decision, the entire experience becomes more positive and fulfilling.