Sarah Martinez (a fictional person whose story is based on experiences from real surrogates) sat at her kitchen table in Overland Park on a rainy Tuesday evening, staring at her phone. She’d been researching surrogacy for weeks, and everything felt right—except for one massive obstacle. How was she going to tell her family?
She had mentioned it briefly to her husband, but she was unsure of how to bring it up to her in-laws, kids, and other relatives.
If you’re reading this, you might be in the exact same position Sarah was six months ago. You’ve done your research, you feel called to help another family, and you’re ready to move forward—but the thought of explaining surrogacy to your family feels overwhelming.
Here’s what you may not expect if you’re considering surrogacy in Kansas: the conversations are rarely as difficult as you imagine them to be, but they do require preparation, patience, and the right approach.
By the time you finish reading Sarah’s example situation, you’ll have a roadmap for navigating your own family conversations, handling objections with confidence, and building the support system you need for your surrogacy journey. You can also get professional help from a surrogacy specialist as you navigate these conversations.
Let’s dive into how Sarah turned her biggest worry into her strongest source of support.
The First Challenge: Timing Your Family Conversations Right
Sarah’s first mistake was waiting too long to bring up surrogacy with her husband, Mark.
She spent three weeks researching agencies, reading about the process, even looking at intended parent profiles before she said anything to her husband, Mark. And when she did, he felt blindsided and wondered how she came to the decision without him.
The lesson here: Start talking to your family about surrogacy from the very beginning of your consideration process, not after you’ve made up your mind.
It can be helpful to approach family conversations about surrogacy as collaborative discussions rather than announcements, as it allows space for input from those you care about most.
What worked for Sarah’s family timing:
- Weekend mornings when everyone was relaxed
- Private one-on-one conversations first, then group discussions
- Allowing several days between conversations to let information sink in
- Following up with additional resources and answering new questions
Getting Your Partner on the Same Page: Sarah and Mark’s Journey
The conversation with Mark was actually Sarah’s biggest learning experience—and it didn’t go well the first time.
She ambushed him during dinner, researched everything without including him, and presented it as a done deal. He felt completely left out of a major family decision.
Mark’s initial concerns were exactly what you might expect: safety, time commitment, emotional impact on the family, and financial implications. But his biggest issue wasn’t actually about surrogacy—it was about feeling excluded from the decision-making process.
How they got back on track: Sarah approached Mark a few days later with a completely different conversation. She apologized for not including him from the beginning, and asked if they could explore the idea together instead of telling him she had decided without him.
They spent two weeks researching together, attending a virtual information session, and discussing their concerns openly. Once he fully understood the process and felt included in the decision-making process, he was on board.
Mark’s perspective shift: Initially, he was worried about Sarah’s health and the family’s privacy. But when he learned about the medical screening process and talked about boundaries theycould set, he realized his concerns were manageable.
What worked for getting spousal support:
- Including him in the research process from the restart
- Attending information sessions together
- Discussing specific concerns with concrete answers
- Setting family boundaries and expectations together
- Acknowledging that both partners need to be comfortable with the decision
The Kids’ Conversation: Honesty Without Overwhelm
Sarah’s teenagers—Emma (6) and Josh (12)—had completely different reactions to learning about surrogacy.
Emma’s first question: “Are you going to love that baby more than us?” Josh’s first question: “Do we get paid?”
Sarah’s approach with the kids: She used age-appropriate explanations but didn’t hide the basics. She explained that some families need help having babies, and she could help by carrying a baby for them.
Emma’s concerns centered on emotional attachment: Would Sarah want to keep the baby? Would their family change?
Josh was more practical: How much time would this take? Would Sarah still be able to drive him to baseball practice? What if something went wrong?
What worked for explaining surrogacy to kids:
- Honest, simple explanations without overwhelming details
- Addressing their specific concerns about family impact
- Involving them in setting family rules and boundaries
- Sharing age-appropriate information about the intended parents
- Reassuring them about their place in the family
Extended Family: Navigating the Minefield of Opinions
If you think partner and kids’ conversations are challenging, extended family can throw another curveball.
Sarah’s parents (traditional Catholics from Kansas City) were concerned about religious implications. Mark’s parents (practical farmers from western Kansas) worried about safety and time commitment. Sarah’s sister immediately asked, “What will people think?”
The religious conversation with Sarah’s parents: Sarah’s mom’s first reaction was that surrogacy might go against Catholic values. But when she explained that she would be helping a Catholic couple who couldn’t have children naturally, and that no one was asking her to do anything against her beliefs, her mother started coming around.
Sarah’s father was more direct: He wanted to know if this was about money and whether Sarah was in financial trouble. When she explained her motivations and showed him the compensation was fair but not life-changing, he relaxed.
The practical conversation with Mark’s parents: Mark’s farming family approached surrogacy like any other major undertaking—with lots of questions about logistics, risks, and support systems.
When she showed them the medical support and agency resources available, Mark’s mom actually became one of her strongest advocates.
Handling family objections:
Sarah encountered several common family objections and learned to address them directly:
- “What will people think?” An example response: “The people whose opinions matter will understand that we’re helping another family. The people whose opinions don’t matter—well, their opinions don’t matter.”
- “Are you sure this is safe?” You can share medical screening requirements and statistics about surrogacy safety, plus information about your agency’s medical support.
- “What if you change your mind?” If you get this question you can explain the legal framework and your own emotional preparation, emphasizing that you are entering surrogacy with eyes wide open.
- “Is this really necessary?” This question can be an opportunity to share information about infertility and the intended parents’ journey, helping family understand the real need for surrogacy.
When Family Members Stay Unsupportive
Not everyone in Sarah’s family came around immediately—or at all.
Mark’s aunt never stopped thinking surrogacy was ‘weird,’ and a cousin still makes occasional comments about ‘selling babies,’ But here’s what Sarah learned: you don’t need everyone’s approval to make the right decision for your family. She has confidence that she made the right decision to help another family.
Strategies for dealing with ongoing family opposition:
- Set clear boundaries about discussions and comments
- Don’t try to convince people who aren’t open to being convinced
- Focus energy on supportive family members
- Remember the difference between preference and permission
Resources to Share With Family
One of the most effective strategies is providing your family with educational resources about surrogacy, particularly information specific to Kansas regulations and protections.
What you can share with concerned family members:
- Information about Kansas surrogacy laws and protections
- Medical statistics about surrogacy safety
- Stories from other Kansas surrogates and their families
- Details about the intended parents and their journey
- Information about the agency’s support services
Building Your Kansas Surrogacy Support Network
How to build family support for surrogacy:
- Start with honest, inclusive conversations
- Address specific concerns with concrete information
- Involve family members in appropriate ways
- Set clear boundaries while remaining open to questions
- Focused on family members who are willing to be supportive
Advice for Family Conversations
Start the conversations early: Don’t wait until you’ve made all your decisions. Include your family in the exploration process so they feel like partners in your decision rather than obstacles to overcome.
Prepare for different reactions: Everyone’s going to have different concerns based on their own experiences and values.
Don’t take initial reactions personally: A first reaction is not a final reaction. First concerns won’t necessarily be lasting concerns. Give people time to process and learn.”
Focus on the willing: You can’t convince everyone, and that’s okay. Put your energy into family members who are open to understanding and supporting you.
Use concrete resources: Vague explanations don’t work. Share specific information about laws, safety, support systems, and your particular situation.
Set boundaries kindly but firmly: You can love family members who don’t support your decision without letting them derail your journey.
Ready to Start Your Own Family Conversations?
Sarah’s story shows that talking to your family about surrogacy doesn’t have to be as scary as it seems—but it does require thoughtfulness, preparation, and patience.
If you’re ready to start your own family conversations about surrogacy in Kansas, remember:
- You don’t need everyone’s permission, but having family support makes the journey more enjoyable
- Most family concerns come from love and worry, not opposition
- Concrete information and honest communication solve most family objections
- Kansas families often embrace surrogacy once they understand the helping-others aspect
Ready to build your own family support system for surrogacy? Connect with experienced Kansas surrogacy professionals who can help you navigate family conversations and provide resources for your loved ones.
Need more specific guidance? Learn more about navigating surrogacy conversations with your spouse and explaining surrogacy to your children with age-appropriate strategies that work for Kansas families.
Your surrogacy journey deserves family support. Let us help you build it.