Identified Surrogacy

Can You Be a Surrogate for a Sibling?

It’s selfless expression of love when a woman asks, “Can I be a surrogate mother for my sister?” or, “Can a sister be a surrogate for her brother?” It’s wonderful that you want to help your brother or sister in such a life-changing way! However, there are some important things you should know first.

Below, find eight of the most common questions about being a surrogate for a sibling. The answers may help you decide if being a surrogate for your sister or brother is right for you and your family:

1. Can I be a surrogate for my sister? Can I be a surrogate for my brother?

Can you be a surrogate for a sibling? As long as you and your sibling meet the necessary requirements, then yes — you can usually be a surrogate for a sibling.

The requirements can vary somewhat depending on the state(s) you both live in and the surrogacy professional you work with. But typically, in order to become a surrogate for your brother or sister, you must:

So, can siblings do surrogacy? Surrogacy laws vary by state, but as long as you’re certain that you’re ready for surrogacy, you meet the requirements and you’re completing a gestational surrogacy, being a surrogate for your sibling is often possible.

2. How do I become a surrogate for my sister or brother? What’s the process like?

In most respects, the surrogacy process will be unchanged for you. The primary differences will be that you won’t need to search for a surrogacy partner and that your relationship will be different than it would be for most intended parent-surrogate matches.

So with that knowledge, there are a few steps you should take before you begin the process:

One more note: It’s just as important for siblings to have a legal contract as it is for any intended parent-surrogate match. This is for everyone’s protection, but it also serves as a roadmap in the event of unforeseen circumstances and more. A contract is never a corner you can cut!

3. What’s the difference between being a gestational vs. traditional surrogate for my sister or brother?

In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate uses her own egg to create the embryo, making her the biological mother of the baby. In gestational surrogacy, an egg from a donor or intended mother is used, so the surrogate is not the biological mother of the baby. You can learn more about the differences here.

As you can imagine, traditional surrogacy involves far more legal and emotional complications than gestational surrogacy. If you were to be a traditional surrogate for your sibling, you would be the mother of your brother or sister’s child. You can see where that’d be complicated for a lot of different reasons.

Gestational surrogacy is the recommended course for all situations — but particularly in sibling surrogacy journeys.

4. Is it weird for sisters to be surrogates? Is it weird to be a surrogate for your brother?

This is a deeply personal question that only you can answer.

Remember that in gestational surrogacy, you would not be the biological mother of your sibling’s child. Surrogates also become pregnant through embryo transfers, so fears of incest are a non-issue. All told, it’s a very clinical process.

However, you’ll have to be the one to decide if this is too awkward of a situation for your relationship with your sibling. With siblings, there are emotional considerations that you have to think about that you wouldn’t in other surrogacy situations, such as:

5. My sister wants me to be her surrogate, but I’m not sure I’m on board with it — how do I say no?

 Many of the women who find themselves asking, “Should I be a surrogate for my sister?” or “Should I be a surrogate for my brother?” do so because they feel pressured to help their sibling.

It’s hard to watch your brother or sister struggle to have the family they’ve dreamed of.  And it’s hard to know that you might be able to help, but for whatever reason, becoming a surrogate isn’t an option for you right now.

There are a lot of reasons why surrogacy might not be right for you — so how do you say no?

Maybe being a surrogate for your sibling isn’t right for you. That’s OK. There are plenty of women out there who are ready for this journey. Perhaps you can help your sibling fundraise to continue the surrogacy journey, work with an attorney to search for the right surrogate, and more.

You can still be an amazing aunt without being a surrogate.

6. I’m considering being a surrogate for my sister — but will my kids be confused?

“Is becoming a surrogate mother for my sister going to confuse or upset my kids?” “If I’m a surrogate for my brother, will my kids understand that the baby is their cousin and not their sibling?”

These are common fears, but you’d be amazed at how much kids actually understand.

Children are open-hearted, they roll with the punches, and they’re smarter than we give them credit for. Once you explain surrogacy to your kids, they’ll likely just be excited to have a new cousin and that you’ll all be helping their aunt or uncle, as a family.

7. What are the pros and cons of being a surrogate for my sister/being a surrogate for my brother?

This is a tough question to answer, because it’s fairly personal to each individual. What one woman might see as a benefit, another might see as a drawback. However, for most, the pros and cons of surrogacy with a sibling include:

Pros:

Cons:

Being a surrogate for a sibling has benefits and challenges that are unique to this type of surrogacy, and you should always consider them carefully before you make your decision.

8. Where can I learn more about how to become a surrogate for my sister or brother? How do I start?

Your first step should be to contact a surrogacy professional. They’ll be able to answer any additional questions you might have about how to become a surrogate for your sibling and can help you begin the process whenever you’re both ready.

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